Why am I doing this?
Being an outspoken child, I was rejected from the strict patriarchy Chinese family. Never conforming to the expected thai-chinese female norm, I was named “monster child”. Growing up I felt isolated, abandoned and hated my parents who never provided me emotional availability. The only language I learned was criticism. Shame for being myself. I was never happy, and resorted to drugs, suicide and depression many times, even when my healing journey began. I felt like I had no support system and every of my action seems to be “destroying the family image”— an illusion they tried to build. I was the odd one, everyone judged me as the trouble maker when I knew what I wanted.
I was the blacksheep, so I ran away from home.
Low self-worth
Abandonment
Rejection
Powerlessness
Undeserving
Distrust
As I pealed more layers, I saw how in many lives, I hated being born. I committed suicide as a punishment, I carried love and anger on my soulmate, I was prosecuted for speaking from my heart. I saw the courage, the love, the hopelessness and despair lives over lives. These untied knots manifested as distrust in myself, the people around me, and even physical symptoms such as tension in my hips and neck. It affected my decision making, my personal relationships and my business. Working with stagnant energy, and understanding my past lives, I saw how I chose to be born different in my family to break the cycles I’ve carried.
Are you a black sheep too?
I want to help woman who is going through what I’ve been through: The blacksheep of the family, left feeling lonely, feeling undeserving of money, job or even relationships. ‘I’m better off alone’. The ones who carries so much responsibility, been called “bi-polar” for her mood swings. Women who carry the wound of “I have to be it all” a perfectionist who feels drained after day of efforting work, she suppresses her emotions to get by. She cannot be vulnerable, only strong. If you feel different, judged by your family, tired of living up to their expectations, and always wanted to do things your way: You are the Black Sheep, a cycle breaker. You’re here to release generational trauma like me.
Giving in to the belief that “I’m wrong”, I allowed people in my lives to destroy, and in return, I ran away from myself as far as possible because deep down, I hated myself. I tried to be someone I’m not: achieving high job titles, getting into top colleges, networking with politicians (power-hungry) attaching my worth to my achievements and proving my family that “I’m worth it. I can do it.” Along with other shadows, suppressing the feminine in me, never asking for help, crossing boundaries, and lack of self love. I always needed to win, be right and became overly critical of everyone. I acted like my family doesn’t exist, and gave it all to my friends, partying and drugs. Till one day, my body gave up, I began fainting for 15 minutes each day for no reason, multiple times a day.
The modern therapy didn’t work. The results in the hospital found nothing wrong. I accidentally stumbled upon Reiki, as my first energy healing.
Healing is profound. I was an anger driven, controlling and a perfectionist woman who felt like I keep ruining relationships and no body can really love me for who I am. These are the narratives we carry over lives and shapes our identity, they pass over to our children and grandchildren. I began to see abandonment, low self-worth and distrust wounds in my family lineage. As I healed, something changed: My father, the most emotionally unavailable man alive, could laugh at mistakes, and give me goodbye kiss. My mother could stop herself from overworking chores and sacrificing her body to the service of others. My family gained awareness, as I ended my own toxic traits. Healing moves me out of the victim, self-blame powerless and lost mode. Past Life Regression allowed me to understand and accept the origin of my suffering, why I am the way I am. The shameful parts of me are my gifts. This is what every person is capable of in healing.
By uncovering the dark, shall we will find light.
Wellbeing Space for Inward Journey
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.