Breaking the cycle of loneliness, — the family curse of “abandonment”.
Loneliness and distrust both fall under the category of heart-chakra-block but are symptoms of different causes: loneliness stems from a lack of belonging, while distrust arises from a lack of safety. Loneliness is also the dominance of the imbalance of masculine (yang) energy, while impacting the imbalance of feminine (yin) energy by creating high-wall boundaries (I don’t need anyone!)
Loneliness is a lesson in self-acceptance, but at its core, it reveals the wound of self-abandonment. Many "black sheep" feel lonely because they long for acceptance from their families—a love that often seems unavailable. These people are born into circumstances where they must face the despair of non-acceptance from those they love. For me, it began at a very young age, when I started to have the cognitive ability to dress up. I wore a skirt on top of jeans, and my family began sending me back to my room to change every time we’d leave the house. Simple things leave big marks.
The root which longs for external acceptance lies in self-abandonment. Black sheep often sacrifice their true desires in an attempt to gain approval from friends, society, or their families. They abandon themselves to fill the void of external validation. But the truth is this: abandonment cannot be healed by external factors like money, love, or attention. True healing comes from accepting your own needs and allowing yourself to meet them.
The Roots of Loneliness in Past Life Regression
In my work with past life regression clients who struggle with rejection: we went to multiple lives where they were abandoned by their families due to either death or violence. Abandonment plays a role in ancestral karma, where the majority of your family members suffers from intentionally / non-intentionally leaving each other or rejecting each other’s needs. – However, it all boils down to molding the experiences of self-rejection.
For instance, one client revisited a past life where she died “alone and ugly” without anyone by her side. Under hypnosis, she cried and admitted,
“I can’t accept that I’m here, sad, alone, and dying….” So I asked her “What are you gonna do?” She replied “I’m just going to sit with it.”
This moment revealed how self-rejection—the inability to sit with one’s emotions—creates self-abandonment, which then manifests as loneliness. Her subconscious leads her to heal herself, which replies to acceptance of undesirable emotions.
Another client discovered a past life as a Roman astrologer and artist. Her family dismissed her passion for art, pressuring her to carry on the family business. To her, acceptance from her family equated to love. She depended on their approval to feel worthy. The dependence created a pattern of self-abandonment, as she rejected her own passion to gain love and belonging.
In her current life, this pattern emerged as co-dependency. Her sense of self hinged entirely on how others—her family, colleagues, or friends—treated her. At work, she felt lonely because her emotional stability depended on her colleagues’ behavior. If someone disagreed with her or seemed dismissive, she would spiral into loneliness, thinking, “No one is really on my side.” She puts expectations on her colleague’s performance, and when they can't perform to her expectations – she doesn’t dismiss them but would take the responsibility by carrying all the workload herself. She can’t ask for help – what she wants and needs.
The imbalance masculine trait of non-acceptance, leads to an imbalance feminine of inability to ask for what she needs (boundaries)
Family Patterns and the Cycle of Loneliness
When we inherit a family pattern of loneliness, it often comes with other traits, such as:
Distrust of yourself and others
Suspicion and anticipation of disappointment
Difficulty forming deep, meaningful relationships
Fear of intimacy
These traits all stem from the root wound of non-acceptance.
Breaking the Cycle
The path to healing begins with self-acceptance:
Accept who you are, what you want, and what you’re capable (and not capable) of achieving.
Release the need to prove yourself to others.
For many black sheep, accepting their own limitations can feel like an attack on their ego. They often strive to prove their worth, but this creates a vicious cycle: self-judgment leads to loneliness, which increases the need for external validation, perpetuating the family karma.
When we judge ourselves or others, we close our hearts. Isolation follows, and the narrative of “Nobody understands me” takes hold, leading to inauthenticity and fear of showing our true selves to the world. Inconfidence & fear breeds.
Black sheep are here to awaken to their family’s judgmental narratives—the gossip, the need to “fix” others, and the social or status-driven discrimination that separates hearts within the family.
The Practice of Self-Acceptance
Catch yourself judging your family—their actions, behaviors, or ways of being. Instead of reacting, choose to observe yourself and ask “What am I protecting myself from?”
Shadow Work: Catch the emotions of anger, disapproval, rejected, weak, distant, scared and critical. Explore into the deeper message of each emotion to you.
Journal Prompts:
How can I cultivate unconditional love for myself?
In what areas of my life am I longing for acceptance?
Am I carrying others’ expectations, or my own?
The journey of a black sheep is one of breaking generational cycles and embracing self-love. Especially when the whole world is against you. When love is supposed to be love, but it’s not, how do we react within? Through acceptance, we transform loneliness into belonging—within ourselves.
