The 3 Feminine Archetypes that attract unsuccessful relationships
In the past few days—maybe it’s the Full Moon in Cancer (she who is so emotionally powerful but also highly insecure)—I’ve encountered so many women who have been mistreated in relationships.
Ghosted, ignored, taken advantage of, told to quit their passion—all by the men they love.
She betrays herself to save the relationship.
She loses herself in a relationship that doesn’t recognize her.
She self-sacrifices; stands by to be available whenever he’s ready.
Her happiness depends on his mood, and her grief is secretly hidden, buried deep within.
She feels unsafe inside her own home.
This is the story of many women who have given up their power to a man they say they love—and who claims to love them. In these cases, the main question we often ask the subconscious is:
“Why don’t I feel worthy of love?”
“Why do relationships that make me feel small feel safe?”
Working one-on-one with women has led me to understand that the root cause of self-worth issues is often tied to punishment. This ranges from self-punishment to being punished by male figures in the family. These women grew up with a subconscious belief equating “love” with “punishment,” and as a result, they attract unstable and emotionally abusive men.
I’m breaking down a pattern of three woman archetypes who are still struggling to find a healthy, balanced relationship in their life.
: The Mother | The Booty Call. | The Slayer :
The Mother Archetype
She carries the world’s responsibility on her shoulders.
Men attracted to this type need a “mommy,” which makes these women feel like they always have to save the day. Instead of having their own lives, they end up in relationships with “sons.” These women often perceive themselves as saviors, with a “challenger” complex. The challenger wants to defend and fight everything and everyone. Additionally, there’s often a subconscious belief that “men are weak” and a subtle notion that “women are superior.” These beliefs attract boyfriends who embody weakness.
In some cases, unresolved emotions about the father (as the primary masculine figure) play a role. The father is usually very strong, authoritative in the family, leading her to attach her self-worth to his strength and desiring herself or her lover to be strong too. These women tend to have high masculine energy—they solve problems, provide solutions, are critical of themselves, lead their families, and sacrifice themselves for others. They feel responsible not only for their boyfriend but also for themselves.
Codependency is strong in these relationships, unlike in the Booty Call archetype. The man depends on the woman for emotional, physical, and mental security. Her entire existence becomes the foundation of his security, making her feel worthy and needed. This dynamic stems from a belief that she’s not good enough unless she’s serving someone’s needs. She convinces herself, “He is such a problem; I need to fix him.”
These women are often strong, independent, attractive, and highly capable, but they use these traits to serve their boyfriend or lover, attempting to fill their own self-worth void.
Theme: Over responsibility, self sacrifice, guilt.
The Booty Call Archetype
These women, on the other hand, are never chosen. They are on the opposite end of the spectrum. Instead of attracting needy men, they attract emotionally avoidant ones—men who enjoy non-commitment and maintain porous boundaries (often creating a “third wheel” situation).
These women feel unseen and unheard because they prioritize him over themselves. Deep down, they’re scared of love, associating it with danger. This often stems from subconscious beliefs and past memories of terrible experiences with “love.” For them, love might have been physically abusive or violent so the subconscious believes it to be safer to “hide” in love, or to prioritize others for survival.
Rather than seeing the man as the problem, they internalize the blame: “I’m not attractive enough, I’m not good enough.” This self-blame leads to people-pleasing and de-prioritizing themselves.
Disappearing relationships are common for these women. When the man leaves without closure, it reinforces their belief:
“Oh no, I scared him away.”
“Oh no, I’m not good enough again. What did I do wrong?”
Meanwhile, the Mother archetype, when faced with similar men, will think, “He is wrong.”
Both archetypes result in a mental pattern of punishment, but the direction differs—outward (blaming the man) for the Mother archetype and inward (blaming herself) for the Booty Call archetype.
Theme: Unseen, violence, isolation and depression.
The Slayer
She portrays herself as strong, independent, a bit of sass streak, dark sharp look “don’t mess with me” air vibes.
These are the women who typically feel like no man is that good enough or worth her time in the relationship. If she does end up being in a relationship, she usually ends up holding and hugging herself, comforting her body “There’s others better out there, you’re not stuck here.” The woman suffers from lack of commitment, but is in such huge denial she tells herself “it’s fun! It’s safe to not be tied down!”.But in reality, every girl wants a real stable man to take care of them, when a woman becomes the slayer she is embodying one of the most toxic masculinity traits: integrity to her own mind-body.
Slayer doesn’t mean slut or whore, it just means she sees relationships as a mind-body game or a passing through of time. Even if she tried, she can’t take anyone seriously because deep down she is afraid to take love seriously. Anybody attracted to her field seems like they need to work harder, look better or “a whatever”. There is a feeling of “men are weighing me down, I’m better off alone.” Typically blocked by denial of her own emotions with love – these women buried deep love wounds. Whether love feels unsafe, love feels like a trap, love means betraying my true self and love is a lie.
They were pure in love once, and was attacked in the name of love/relationship. Trusting somebody who they truly love, and that person ended up exposing, attacking, abandoning or accusing them. She gains distrust to protect herself from what she deems as “betrayal”. Her self-worth is tied heavily on her own self-sufficiency and self-achievements, or worse, the number of men she’s broken or slept with (very worse case scenario).
Theme: Distrusting love, Denial, Block and hyper-independence.
All of these traits block the Divine Feminine Energy to manifest and attract love and abundance in the relationship. As long as she is still in the hyper-masculine or off porous feminine energy, she can never truly attract a balanced soulmate or twin flame.
